Monday, September 10, 2007

The invisible Mom

I am not usually one to forward emails or share things like this but this story is really worth the read. It may look long in length but I was so glad I took the few minutes it took to read it over. I created a stir in my soul and made me want to reach out to other Mothers. Hopefully by posting here I can achieve that in some small way.

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, 'Who is that with you, young fella?' 'Nobody,' he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, 'Oh my goodness, nobody?'
I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like 'Turn the TV down, please' - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, 'Would someone turn the TV down?' Nothing.
Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, 'I'm ready to go when you are.' He just kept right on talking.
That's when I started to put all the pieces together. I don't think he can see me.
I don't think anyone can see me.
I'm invisible.
It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm
on the phone?' Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.
I'm invisible.
Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?
Can you tie this? Can you open this?
Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going... she's going... she's gone!
One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with
admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'
In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.
They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.
The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny
bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'
At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.
When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell thefriend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three
hours and presses all the linens for the table.'
That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself.
I just want him to want to come home.
And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're
doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the
world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

photo by Piero Sierra


Daria - Boutique Cafe said...

Megan, I can't tell you how much that touched me. I have been feeling very invisible in my children's eyes lately and this really struck a chord with me. Thank you so much for sharing.

Katrine said...

That is so beautiful! I need to be reminded why I do the things I do for my family. Thank you!

Amelia said...

I can totally relate to this poem. How moving, thank you for sharing.

I adore that photo as well!


andrea danielle said...

Very touching and a great reminder! thanks

Anonymous said...

That was FABULOUS!!! Thanks for sharig it with us all and it is SO TRUE!!

As mothers we feel taken advantage of or not of much worth some days. That really puts it in perspective!!!

- :)

CreativeOutletDesigns said...

oh good! I'm glad that others enjoyed this and not just me. :)

you know, what I love it that whether you are a mother to teenagers or toddlers, whether you live in the country or the city or it's in the USA, Canada or Europe we all seem to connected again, in this way. Small world huh? :)

Kimberly said...

This was so good I posted a link from my blogspot so others might read it too.

CreativeOutletDesigns said...

Thanks for the cross promotion link Kimberly and for sharing with more Mothers ;)

holly said...

Wow... thank you so much for that! It is amazing how perfect words seem to come along just as you need them. :) Wonderful!


KARA said...

megan, what a beautiful post, it's funny I am not a mom yet but have felt like one to my younger siblings long story and that hit some real home truths, thanks for sharing, very touching

Anonymous said...

This is actually an excerpt from the book The Invisible Woman by Nicole Johnson, a Christian author and dramatist who performs with the Women of Faith conferences around the U.S. I highly recommend this book, and all of her others, as well as the DVDs of her performances.
Just wanted to give credit where it was due, but thank you for sharing it on your website!

Anonymous said...

Thank you to my friend for sending me this. What a wonderful reminder of God's love for me.

ellen said...

Wow! How absolutely true and so deep in it's forthright simplicity. As one who works with children every day and has had the honor of getting to know some of those same children, as well as my own, years later as adults, I can honestly say we DO make a difference . Most times it turns out that it IS the small things in one's day that make the biggest difference to someone else-things we don't even realize have an impact.

Thank you for sharing this - I will be sure to pass it along. Absolutely beautiful!

Ellen Benedetto